Here is the list of some of the Emmyism's to date for anyone who could use a couple of laughs today.
Age 2 –
Emmy: Damn it!
Mama: We don’t say
damn it, Emery!
Emmy: No. We don’t say damn it. I will not say damn it, mama. We don’t say damn it. I will not say damn it. We don’t say damn it, mama…
1-15-11
Emmy: I’m growing
up, but you don’t want me to.
Mama: No, I don’t.
Emmy: But I am. I’m doing it RIGHT NOW!
2/4/11
Mama: Thank you So
much for being YOU, Emmy.
Emmy: I’m always me,
mama. ALWAYS!
2/10/11
Maggie sneezed.
Mama: God bless you,
Maggie.
Emmy: She blessed
you, Maggie.
4-2-11 –
Mama: What would you like for breakfast, Emery?
Emmy: Pancakes!
Mama: We don’t have
pancakes but you can have cereal.
Emmy: (quietly says
something but I’m not quite sure what)
Mama: What was that?
Emmy: (speaking very
slowly and clearly) Well. Son. Of. A. B!tch.
5/11 –Maggie, Emmy and I were at the McDonald’s outside
playland. It was one of the first nice
days of spring so it was very crowded.
Emmy climbed to the top of the tower and yelled as loud as she could:
Emmy: I LOVE YOU, MAMA!!!!!
Mama: (by now Emmy
has gained the attention of all the other parents in the play area and everyone
is watching our conversation) I love
you too, Emmy (said in the quietest voice I could get away with while still have
her hear me from the top of the tower)
Emmy: (still
yelling) YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!
Mama: (heart
melting) You’re my best friend, too, Emmy.
5-24-11 – age 3 ½.
Emmy: When I was a
little girl I had a different mama and her name was James Mill (Jane Mills?). We didn’t have any food or beds or TV or
commercials and then she died, and I missed her dearly, and then you became my
mama, and I was sooooooo happy.
6-7-11:
Emmy was playing with her toys and her one baby said to the
other baby, "I am your super advisor".
6-8-11:
Mama: I'm only turning the TV on for just a minute so
I can clip Maggie's nails. Don't get sucked in to watching it.
Emmy (3 minutes later eyes glued to the TV and a dazed look
on her face): Mama, I'm getting sucked in.
6-15-11
Mama: Oooooohhhh! That was BIG thunder, wasn't
it?
Emmy: Yes! A big one INDEED!
8-15-11
Emmy and I were laying in bed snuggling and I rolled over
and turned my back to her. She’s facing
me still and says: “Roll over,
mama. Roll over. I want to see your beautiful face”.
8-22-11
8-22-11
Emmy:
"Sometimes Opa says bad words.
Mama:
Yeah, sometimes.
Emmy:
Like SH!T!
Mama:
Don't say 'sh!t' emmy.
Emmy:
Or D@MN!
Mama:
Don't say any more bad words, Emmy!
Emmy:
Sometimes I say sh!t or d@mn, too...
8-29-11
I am 7 months pregnant.
Emmy and I were snuggling in bed and she got up. I threw the covers off of me and started to
get up as well. I was wearing nothing
‘fancy’.
Emmy: WHOA! You’re FANCY!
Mama: How am I
fancy?
Emmy (very heartfelt):
You’re beautiful!
Mama: I love you SO
much!
9-12-11
Emmy
asked me to move something off the couch for her and I acted exasperated when I
did…so she looked at me and said "Bless your little heart"...
9-13-11
Emmy
was napping in our room on the floor and I was napping in the bed, and I woke
up and came in the living room. A little while later Emmy woke up and
came in the living room and said "Mama, I thought you were in
bed, but you weren't, and I was wide asleep!".
9/15/11
Emmy was having a hard time going to bed. She didn’t want to sleep ‘all by herself’.
Mama: You should
enjoy it now, because pretty soon you’ll have to share a room with Maggie and
you guys will share a room together for a long, long time.
Emmy: ...But is she
gonna sleep IN my bed?
Mama: No, she’ll
have her own bed.
Emmy: MY bed?
Mama: No, we’ll get
her her OWN bed.
Emmy: Will it be
next to mine?
Mama: Not RIGHT next
to yours, no.
Emmy: (really whiny)
But I want her to sleep right next to me.
So we can snuggle.
Mama: Like
this? (We’re sitting up and I wrap my
arms around her and hug her and rub on her back for a second)
Emmy: No. No rubbing!
9/20/11
Mama:
(singing) Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul, with a corncob pipe and
a button nose and two eyes made out of coal...
Emmy:
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul with a corncob pipe and a butt and nose....
7/11
We were at
a garage sale and I told Emmy she could pick out one of the stuffed animals out
of the box for $.25. She chose this
little, white Beanie Baby lamb, but it had dirt smudges all over it.
Mama: Let’s pick out a different one. This one is dirty.
Emmy: No.
I like it!
Mama: No,
honey. It’s all dirty. How about this nice pony instead? It’s not dirty?
Emmy:
No! I want this lamb!
Mama: No!
Let’s pick out something else.
Emmy:
(whiny and on the verge of throwing a fit) NO!
I WANT THIS ONE!!!!
Mama: Fine.
Here’s your quarter. Go pay for
it.
5 minutes
later we get in the car, and I am buckling her in and she’s snuggling up with
her new toy. She looks at it affectionately and says “I love my dirty, little
lamb”.
9/28/11
I am
putting a movie in for Emmy to watch.
Emmy: Do you know Princess Diarrhea?
Mama: What?!?!?
Emmy:
Princess Diarrhea?
Mama: (thinking)…Do you mean The Princess Diaries?
Emmy:
Yeah, that’s it!
10/25/11
Emmy: Do you
remember that Bugs Bunny ride at Disney World?
Mama: Oh, the Brer
Rabbit one? The one that’s a water
roller coaster?
Emmy: Yes! That’s the one we rode on and papa got his
vagina all wet!
Mama: (after calming
down from laughing) Papa doesn’t have a
vagina. Only girls have vaginas,
remember? Boys have penises.
Emmy: Oh yeah.
(pause) We rode that ride and papa got his penis all wet!
10/27/11
Emmy: (eating her 2nd helping of spaghetti) My belly
hurts.
Mama: Maybe you have to go #2. That means maybe you have to
go poopy.
Emmy: No! (laugh) long pause....Maybe it's #1.
Mama: Do you know what that means?
Emmy: Yeah. That means maybe I should stop eating.
11/3/11
Emmy: (playing with play-doh) What do you want me to make
for you?
Mama: How about an elephant?
Emmy: No. I can only make flat things. Like a town, or
a village, or a sun, or turtle. Something like that. Flat.
11/19/11
We often have to pry Maggie’s blankie away from her before
sitting down for meals. When she starts
fussing I often say to Chad, “she wants her B-L-A-N…” We were in the middle of the meal and sitting at our dining room
table.
Maggie: (fussing)
Emmy: I think she
wants her S-I-M…. (whispers) blankie…
11/20/11
We had roofers show up at our house in the early morning
while we were all still in bed. Emmy
and Maggie’s room is directly across the hall from our bedroom and we sleep with
the doors open. Chad and I awoke in the
morning to footsteps pounding back and forth across the roof. It was very loud. This is what we heard coming from Maggie and Emmy’s room:
Emmy: (shaky /
scared voice throughout entire conversation) What IS that Maggie?
Maggie: (happy
babbles)
Emmy: Is, is it a
MONSTER? Eh…eh…EH! (scared whining)
Maggie: (happy
babbles)
Emmy: It’s ok,
Maggie…MAGGIE! What IS that????
Maggie: (happy
babbles)
Emmy: Maggie? I’m scared.
Are you scared Maggie? What is
it, Mags? Eh…eh…EH!!!! I fink it’s a…MONSTER!!!
Maggie: (happy
babbles)
Emmy: Maggie? I’m gonna go see mama and papa…ok,
Maggie? I’m gonna go see what that
is. I’ll be right back, Mags.
Maggie: (whining
because Emmy left)
Emmy: Mama? Papa?
I’m scared. There’s something on
the roof!!!! I fink it’s a MONSTER!
Mama: It’s ok,
Emmy. They are putting a new roof on
our house. They are just walking around
on our roof. It’s ok. Go tell Maggie.
Emmy: It’s ok,
Mags. They are just putting a new roof
on our house. You were SO BRAVE,
Maggie! Good job!
11/27/11
Emmy: I want a
snack.
Mama/Papa: You lost
your snack, remember?
Emmy: But I’m
huuuuuungry!
Mama/Papa: Then you
should have made a better decision so you didn’t lose your snack privilege.
Emmy: I want A SNACK!!!
Mama/Papa: No. You are not getting one.
Emmy: (starting to lose it) I WANT A SNACK!!!
Mama/Papa: No.
Emmy: (pause)
FINE!! Then I’m gonna EAT MY BOOGERS!!!
12/7/11
Emmy is helping Maggie get her dress up clothes on. Emmy is trying
to help Maggie put the skirt of the outfit on and before she can get it on
Maggie takes off and runs away.
Emmy:
Is that REALLY how you're going to ACT, Maggie?
12/25/11
Emmy was playing with all of her Christmas presents,
included was a HUGE Cinderella castle, including a carriage, horse, Prince
Charming and Cinderella (Emmy’s favorite).
We also had gotten her a Little People Nativity set. I asked her what her favorite thing she got
for Christmas was. She said “Baby
Jesus. Baby Jesus with the stuff”.
1/7/12
Emmy is
eating a McDonald's french fry. She puts the end of one fry in her mouth
and dangles the rest out and says:
"I'm Oma. I like to smoke."
1/11/12
I asked Emmy how she
liked the crepe filling I made for breakfast this morning.
She
said: "It's brilliant"!
2/4
Emmy: Do you know what they say about Wisconsin
Dells?
Mama:
No, what?
Emmy: That it’s the Best. Place. Ever!
2/10/12
I was
telling Emmy about the tooth fairy.
Emmy:
She's not really real?
Mama:
Yes, she is!
Emmy:
I want to SEE her.
Mama:
You can't. She won't come if you're awake.
Emmy:
But I want to see her. I want to see what she looks like and I want
to hear what her voice sounds like.
Mama:
Well, you'll have to lose a tooth and pretend to be asleep.
Emmy:
She's not a fairy. She doesn't even have a castle.
(10
minutes later and still contemplating)
Emmy:
But I REALLY want to SEE the tooth fairy. I don't BELIEVE that
she's real.
2/15/12
Emmy
is painting.
Mama:
What do you call your painting? Most artists name their paintings.
Emmy:
The Colossoffy.
Mama:
The Colossoffy?
Emmy:
The Colossoffy of the Indian World
2/15/12
Maggie hit Emmy with a
barbie. Emmy is grounded from toys (including barbies).
Emmy: Ow, Maggie! That hurt!
Mama: What
did she do?
Emmy: She
hit me with a barbie. Maggie, I'm ESPECIALLY not allowed to play
with that.
Mama:
Especially...?
Emmy:
...not allowed to play with that.
.
2/24/12
Emmy is going to spend the night at Oma and Opa’s
Emmy: I have to
leave tonight, Maggie. Will you miss
me?
Maggie: (whiny)
yeah.
Emmy: I have to
leave, Maggie. This is my CHANCE
to leave.
Maggie: blah, whiny,
blah
Emmy: I will miss
you too, Maggie.
2/26/12
Emmy: Maggie just
learned a NEW word!
Mama: What is it?
Emmy: Boogie!
Mama: Oh. Did she have a boogie in her nose or
something?
Emmy: No, like, do
you know Logan (their older sister)?
Mama: …no? Who’s that?
Emmy: You KNOW,
Logan!
Mama: Oh, yeah. I know her.
Emmy: Well, people
CALL her Logan, but her REAL name is Boogie.
3/11/12
Mama: No, Emmy. I’m not going to play with you. You’re being mean. No one wants to play with you when you’re being mean. Mama doesn’t want to play with you. Papa doesn’t want to play with you…
Emmy: (interrupting)…but Maggie will. She doesn’t know any better.
3/13/12
Emmy: Did you know
that turkey comes from a turkey?
Mama: I did know
that! Do you know where ham comes from?
Emmy: No.
Mama: Do you want to
take a guess?
Emmy: From the
market?
Mama: Well,
yes.
3/20/12
Mama: Do you like your dinner?
Emmy: It's not to like. It's to love!
3/23/12
Emmy: I had a dream about Tangled when she
was a little girl.
Mama: You dreamed in
cartoon?
Emmy: Yep.
3/26/12
Emmy:
I'm, like, a world famous pooper. Because I'm famous. And I'm
famous at POOPING!
Mama: (laughing)
Emmy:
I'm just like a really good pooper.
Mama:
Yeah. You really are.
4/9/12
Papa: Maggie, stay in bed!
Emmy: (talking to Maggie from her top bunk) You’d better do it,
Maggie. I’ve tested him before. Stay in bed or you’ll cry SUPER-hard.
4/11/12
Emmy: (pretend playing) I’m not going to the ball? Are you sh!tting me?
4/16/12
Hi
Emery,
This
is Oma. Please be really good today because I want you to be able to go
swimming (hopefully this evening) after your papa gets back from work. I
want to hear how much fun the pool is. Also, I want to know what you did
today. I think it is going to be warm there today.
Love
you lots,
Oma
Emmy's response to Oma's email:
Thank
you Oma for sending me a message. I love you. You're the best. Sometime I will come over to your house, but not on this day. We are on a trip. We
are in a hotel, not in the camper anymore.
I love you. There is a swimming pool. I hope you can be loving, but you can always be sweet.
Done.
4/19/12
Sh-art
= sh!tty fart
Emmy
is playing with Maggie at the playground.
Emmy: We just sh-arted.
Mama:
What?!?
Emmy: We both just sh-arted ourselves!
Thanks
for the new terminology, Papa.
5/30/12
Rylee
(playing a game with Emery): If you could be any age, what age would you be and
why?
Emmy:
Seven
Rylee: Seven?
Why?
Emmy
(slightly annoyed): Because I want to GROW UP, ok?
6/13/12
Mama: Make sure you clean that dirty laundry up
when you are done with it.
Emmy: FINE!
(with attitude)
Mama:
(silence)
Emmy: Aren’t you going to say something,
Mama? I just had a dirty attitude.
6/14/12
Emmy is sweeping up the crumbs up off of the floor with her dustpan and broom.
Emmy: Wanna see how much I got, mama?!?! I got more than you DREAMED!
6/26/12
It’s 110 degrees in the hot
Badlands today.
Emmy: I just want to go hoooooome, Mama. It’s so hot I’m melting!
7/8/12
Emmy (talking to Oma about
Yellowstone): It’s a magical
place!
7/12/13
Maggie stood up in her stroller
Emmy: Maggie! Sit your @ss
down!
8/9/12
Emmy: (playing cards w/ Chadly...and she was winning)
This is easier than an elephant eating peanuts!
Chadly: (Laughing)
Emmy: I'm really proud of you for
trying.
8/10/12
Mama: Do you want to go to McDonald's playland in the
morning?
Emmy: You'd let me do that? I've
been so mean today.
Mama: Well, you weren't THAT mean.
You were really good all day, you just started getting in a little
trouble tonight when you started getting sleepy, and you started losing things.
I wouldn't be doing a very good job as a mama if I let you get away with
acting like that, would I?
Emmy: No. I mean, who's the grown
up here?
Mama: Me?
8/14/12
Mama: You need to apologize to Maggie.
Emmy: I’m sorry, Maggie, for not
letting you play with my toys. That
wasn’t very nice of me, and I’m really very sorry.
Mama: That was a wonderful apology, Emmy. Good job!
